How Crying Over Lawnmowers Led to KAVANÂ, A Home for Systemic Change

There are few things worse than a very privileged white woman complaining about “feeling too much.”

Yet I can’t tell this story without starting with my (at times unmanageable and seemingly irrational) levels of empathy.

I remember being five years old and watching in horror as a lawn mower annihilated the blades of grass I considered my dear friends. Sobbing, I rushed out to salvage the newly sprouted wild rose bushes that were about to fall prey to the backyard genocide taking place before my virgin eyes. I guess you could say that it was in this moment that an uncompromising urge to support the wellbeing of living things became the undercurrent that has since guided my life. 

But for a long time, I didn’t quite know how. It seemed that the more I attempted to make a positive impact, the more powerlessness I felt. I’ve always loved animals, so in my early twenties I volunteered with rescue groups and fostered abandoned dogs until they could find their forever home. But that was far from enough, so I emptied my bank account to help fund a water well in a tiny village in Tanzania that my friend’s non-profit E.P.I.C. organized. I left, painfully aware that 500 million people still needed clean water. Had I even made a dent?

At the core, I knew I was battling the symptoms, not the root cause.

So I dug deep, and early on in my journey of hunting for solutions to systemic issues, I stumbled upon the famous Einstein quote: 

“You can’t solve a problem from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

I began to wonder if perhaps the root of problem-solving was not in changing the outside world, but shifting the kernel of how we relate, through our inner world.

“The kernel is a core component of an operating system and serves as the main interface between the computer's physical hardware and the processes running on it.” 

After a decade of coaching and holding space for deep transformational personal processes, I watched as my theory was proven: by creating a shift in the human operating system, people related to the world differently.

I began to see that the problems plaguing our world today would not only be solved, but become obsolete, if we shifted our patterns of relating en masse. 

But who would help me drive this mission forward? 

That’s when my husband and soon-to-be co-founder Benjamin entered the picture. Overnight, everything changed. I found the Yang to my Yin.

While my impact-work had been scrappy and grassroots, Benjamin’s role as a businessman and steward of wealth cast him in in the role of writing checks to various charities, which left him feeling disconnected from the core of the cause and wondering what his contribution actually enabled or whether it made any discernible difference in the grand scheme of things. 

We met at a dinner then connected over our shared vision to build a retreat center dedicated to deep personal work that ignites real-world change. We quickly fell in love and this energy fueled a partnership, a marriage, and a book dedicated to helping people become more of who they were designed to be. The book evolved into a personal brand and then online and in-person programs backed by a methodology rooted in Transpersonal Psychology, Sociology, Systemic Theories, Leadership, Coaching, Breathwork, Neuroscience, and other embodiment practices. Today we have supported hundreds of people in their transformations. 

We knew that for our vision to become a reality, we would need more than a space, we would need a place with many spaces specifically designed for people to go deep in their inner world, reprogram their existing operating system, and find fulfillment through having a positive, real-world impact.

This obsession turned into an intellectual and creative exploration and it soon became clear that we needed an expanded organization that was more elastic and could hold a retreat center and learning institute where we would teach our programs, and where other facilitators would be welcomed with open arms to host theirs. We decided to call this place KAVANÂ, which loosely translates to “the commitment you bring to your intention,” a definition that’s shared by both Hebrew and Sanskrit. 

An expanded vision requires an expanded team, so like any organization our biggest priority was finding the most committed people to steward this vision into existence. 

In 2022, we were introduced to our Culture & Facilitation Steward, Astrid Brinck, a facilitator who brings 30+ years of experience in the realm of personal and organizational transformation. Then, a year ago, Krista Berlincourt, our Operations and Marketing Steward with a career rooted in impact and the innovation of complex systems, joined us to guide the organization with her potent strategy, management and communications expertise. 

KAVANÂ’s executive team

When we considered where to build our vision, Mexico was the obvious answer. It had been beckoning us from the moment Benjamin and I met, so when we heard of MUSA –  a new destination-in-the-making put on the map in 2020 – and met the co-founders, Tara Medina and Andrés Saavedra, we instantly knew we had found not only our new home, but the partners we needed.

As it turns out, Andrés and Tara had a story not too dissimilar from ours. Andrés, who grew up in the region, took Tara to an ocean cliff on their second date and said “one day I want to build a creative community here.” She immediately saw the vision and 20 years later they made it a reality. Today, MUSA is a place whose genesis is rooted in impact, not significance. 

Signing the papers with Tara and Andrés, co-founders of MUSA, Mexico

With a devoted team, 30-acres of pristine jungle land and epic partners in place, we were then tasked with designing spaces that are both expansive and intimate, versatile and grounded, to support thought-leaders, facilitators and change-makers with a blank canvas to bring their unique vision to life. 

The KAVANÂ Retreat Center & Learning Institute

I’ve always believed the greatest things don’t come from ownership but collaboration, so I’m not only excited to expand our signature programs, but to learn from other facilitators and co-create together under the framework of an Institute focused on curriculum development, collaborative research, personal transformation, and impact leadership training.  While KAVANÂ is just 45 minutes south of Zihuatanejo international airport, we’re lucky to call flamingos, dolphins, and sea turtles our neighbors on a mile-long strip of ocean without a hint of tourism. 

I once believed that systemic change was an insurmountable challenge that required massive scale to be successful. Today, I understand the power of a relatively small number of people coming together, with great intention. 

When we are willing to go deep, listen more than we talk, and take radical responsibility for ourselves and the world around us, real change begins to ripple, from the inside out.

Love,

Az

The best way to support my writing is to share KAVANÂ the Retreat Center and Learning Institute with purpose-driven practitioners and event hosts who may be interested in hosting an experience.